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When we talk about Emotional Well-being, we refer to the state of mind in which we feel good, calm, we perceive that we control our emotions and we are able to cope with the pressures of day to day, being the basis for achieving a healthy, happy and full.
What is it like to be emotionally strong?
When I talk about being emotionally stronger, I’m not talking about getting lost in brutality, being cold, or feeling absolutely nothing. No, the goal is not to nullify or deny any emotion no matter how unpleasant it may seem, nor is it not to feel pain.
Life will sometimes be wonderful and other times it will be very hard, and therefore the goal is to train our inner strength and then apply it to the emotional world. In this way we will become more aware, strong and understanding people in the face of life’s challenges.
Let’s go through the 8 steps to be an emotionally strong person:
Be aware of your inner world:
Knowing how the relationship between your body, your emotional world and your thoughts works, as well as being able to “observe” them without letting them overwhelm you, is essential to be able to understand yourself and tolerate emotions instead of running away from them, especially unpleasant or unpleasant ones. My recommendation to achieve this is to practice conscious meditation or mindfulness. How do you do it? At the end of the text I propose a generic and relatively simple exercise that we use in our mindfulness workshops.
1- Accept any emotions and sensations that arise within you
As you may have already observed, this point is closely related to the previous one. We do not like the emotions that cause us suffering, we do not know what to do with them, so we tend to flee, take refuge in thousands of tasks so as not to connect with suffering, or allow ourselves to be inundated by them and dominate us.
The paradox is that the more we want to flee, the stronger the symptoms appear. To free ourselves from this we must learn not to judge emotions and to “live the pain” of life, accept it and grow with it. Remember: no emotion is neither good nor bad, they only give us different messages about what things in life we must change or, at least, “give it a spin.” So the next time something happens, sit down and try to observe what your symptom wants to tell you, where it can come from and what need it is putting in front of you. Not running away from emotions is starting to take care of ourselves.
2- Know your wounds
Sometimes suffering and emotions (especially symptoms of anxiety, fear and sadness) arise without knowing where they come from or why. It is likely that then we will have to observe our past wounds to be able to heal them. When we were children we needed things that, at times, our adult caregivers could not or knew how to give us, other problems arose with our peers, etc.
Emotionally strong people Learning what we lacked and giving it to ourselves in the present moment is a good exercise to heal our wounded child, the one who lives inside us and who is crying out for us to stop ignoring him and start taking care of him. Other exercises are practicing a more loving language with ourselves, writing a letter to our past self, doing activities that were denied us, practicing rights that we were told we did not have and what we need, etc. The idea is that the adult that we are takes care of the child who suffers.
3- Practice self-care
We live in a highly demanding, stressed, fast-paced and overstimulated society. Stop, connect with our interior and disconnect from the outside, stop being so demanding with ourselves and others, practice “friendship” and “family” sometimes so forgotten by work, knowing how to say no, sleep, play sports for pleasure … These are some ideas of that much needed self-care. And remember, you deserve to take care of yourself, not because you work and try so hard, but because you are a wonderful person.
4- Understand life as a constant change
Buddhists speak of detachment as the acceptance of the constant change of things, of not pretending that something that is dynamic becomes static. Detachment is not to stop loving those around us, on the contrary, it is to take care of others and ourselves but accepting that things will not remain unchanged, that life is a process of change and we must know how to flow with it. The opposite is clinging to suffering.
5- Observe the things that happen to you as challenges to achieve
Life is going to put obstacles in your way, it is up to you to see them as challenges or problems. But remember, you don’t have to power everything. Sometimes you will need support and help, others you will need to give up certain things, others perhaps fight and in some cases accept. Learning to know when to do it is learning to live.
6- Choose your thoughts and your way of living well
Much of the suffering we have is generated by our own mind. Choose your thoughts well and also choose carefully and delicately what kind of people you want by your side, what activities you want to do, what is good for you. I often tell my patients that life is about nurturing ourselves. You can have a diet based on pastries (which will be very sweet but very self-destructive) or a life based on healthy foods that sometimes will not be the richest but that will generate health and well-being.
7- Train gratitude
Every day when you wake up or go to bed, give thanks for the simple things in life. It will help you to remember why everything makes sense, to connect with the positive and to regulate your emotional world.
8- Mindfulness exercise:
Sit with yourself each day for 10 to 20 minutes (longer if you can, much better) to simply observe what happens inside of you. To do this, choose a quiet and pleasant place. Sit so that you are comfortable but with a dignified posture (like the person you are), close your eyes and start observing your breath to connect with the present moment, with your body and your mind. From there, observe with your concentration and attention each part of your body, what sensations are arising. If you notice one in particular, stay in it and observe how it changes (the intensity, the shape, the place where it is…), you will observe that your mind tends to go to certain thoughts and that different emotions arise during the practice. Do not be scared, or judge them as good or bad, simply accept everything that happens and observe what produces in you both the sensations and the thoughts. Observe with curiosity how the one and the other are linked, observe your internal world and begin to notice that it cannot drag you, that you are only an observer of what happens inside you.
Article source :8 pasos para ser emocionalmente más fuerte